Sober or abstinent addicts have their own emotional challenges. It may be difficult to get through a day without using, drinking, or fighting the urge to do so. In addition to worrying about a slip, a recovering addict has anxiety that substance abuse has masked. Drugs smoothed over difficult feelings and situations that now must be faced “on the natch.” Anxiety may be covering deeper feelings of depression, shame, and emptiness. Childhood trauma can drive these feelings, but early sobriety is not the time to address it. Often married people who are drinking and using drugs, it turns out in recovery that they had a bad relationship because the marriage kind of consolidated around alcohol and drugs.
Rob said the key to his long-standing marriage is to continue learning
You both may see their recovery as a life-altering change, but it also comes with its share of challenges. Explore the following tips for spouses who are married to an addict in recovery to better support yourself and their recovery process. While you may harbor resentment or anger toward your spouse, it’s often counterproductive or damaging to constantly rehash these feelings. Instead, you can vent and navigate your emotions in a personal journal. Journaling can help you process your emotions without hurting your spouse or causing an unnecessary argument. The recovering addict needs to focus on sobriety and may not always be able to prioritize the relationship, and his or her spouse must understand this.
The Challenges of Having a Spouse Who Is Not Sober
- During this part of recovery, counselors will develop a plan for staying sober while rebuilding life.
- And if people split, then they would say, here’s why it’s split.
- If you’re dealing with addiction in your marriage, it’s important to seek help from a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate these challenges.
- But, don’t allow them to manipulate, lie, or treat you disrespectfully.
- According to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), couples in which at least one partner lives with substance use disorder are often more unhappy than other couples.
- I thought she was selfish because she wasn’t instantly grateful and loving.
- When it was triggered, which often occurred in his family relationships, he immediately withdrew.
I hired my own therapist, who accompanied me for almost five years. I also attended the Al-Anon fellowship, where I found kindred spirits.
How to leave a partner living with addiction
Although not considered professional counseling, a support group can be very helpful too. Whichever group suits your needs best is the one you should attend. Even if you only listen to the experiences of others, they can be very helpful. Having the support of others who are going through the same things as you is very comforting.
- Recovery will change your marriage just like active addiction changed your relationship.
- While their external behavior may be very different, folks in early recovery have the same character flaws they had when they were using.
- His first experience in treatment was as a cash-pay client in a high-end residential facility that “graduated” him as soon as his money ran out.
- The recovery has to come first, or there will be no family.
- This can be especially true when it comes to repairing relationships.
At the same time, don’t give up hope—if both of you are truly committed to saving your marriage, building a new and healthy relationship is possible. After addiction, broken trust is likely to be the biggest obstacle to overcome in your marriage. For the recovering addict, this means absolute honesty is essential. If you continue to lie to or mislead your spouse, trust can never be regained. After the addict has recovered, however, repairing the relationship is possible.
It may also serve to open the lines of communication damaged by months or years of anger and hurt. If addiction has impacted your marriage, you may be wondering if the only solution is to separate from your spouse. With marriage after sobriety work, determination and love, you and your spouse may be able to recover and restore your marriage after addiction. Respect your partner’s sobriety by avoiding going to places that may trigger alcohol cravings.
Go to Marriage Counseling for Addiction
People say, well, but, you know, so-and-so had infidelity and I need advice. Well, that’s nice, but their infidelity didn’t happen for the same reason that it happened in your situation. I would put money on that because each situation is going to be unique.
- This structured and holistic program emphasizes individual growth and community support, focusing on accountability and life skills development for a successful transition to sober living.
- Located in Boise, Idaho, Northpoint Recovery is proud to offer quality drug and alcohol detox as well as alcohol and drug rehab and mental health treatment programs in the Treasure Valley.
- To be successful and manage these changes, it’s important to put yourself and your children first.
- If you continue to lie to or mislead your spouse, trust can never be regained.
- I also attended the Al-Anon fellowship, where I found kindred spirits.
People Who Got Divorced After 20+ Years Of Marriage Share Their Heartbreaking Stories
Of course, the addict’s ability to maintain sobriety will be essential to your ability to maintain the marriage as well. Instead, it’s best to treat the marriage as a new relationship. Get to know the “new” version of your spouse (or help your spouse become acquainted with the “new” you). Patiently work on rebuilding communication, trust, support, respect, and intimacy. What I initially regretted was Bill’s lost charm and warmth. I was attracted to his sensibilities and the ease with which he could be just as comfortable in his business suit as his biking gear.
SUGGEST SOBER ACTIVITIES
